Vanity vs. Health

I just wanted to clarify something as I was thinking about my first blog entry. I'm sure it sounded extremely vain. I'm not just worried how many chins I have in a photo that is taken...I'm worried about my health in general. I have a genetic pre-disposition to many things and some I can't avoid but others I am sure are related to weight gain. I also feel like crap physically most of the time... tired, sluggish, random things hurting the never used to..etc. 


I've had high blood pressure for a few years now, but it did spring up when I was almost at my thinnest, so I can't really blame the weight. My last series of bloods tests however, indicated that my cholesterol was boderline high. That was a first for me. I have heart disease, diabetes, cancer and many other things in my family so I can't take something like this lightly.

Another issue is the fact that I now have to sleep with a CPAP machine - for sleep apnea. I've been a snorer for some time now, but I know it is worse now that I'm heavier because as the Doctor so blatantly told me (thanks I hadn't noticed)... I retain weight around my face and neck, which contributes to blocking my airway. I am apparently having surgery at some point to clear my nose so I can breathe better though it, but in the meantime, I snore like an 80 year old man without having an ugly mask strapped to my face. It's really sexy - let me tell you! 


Today I did my first shop, to start preparing the things I need. I still need to go into town and get a ton of plain non-fat yogurt and some other things that are going to be my staple foods. On base, we have the American food in the commissary and it's packed with the usual additives and sugar so I couldn't find much. I'm planning to cook on Monday since I'm home and hopefully get started diet wise by early next week. I have an open house/housewarming on Jan. 7th so I will need to have some serious control not to over-indulge. This will be a true test. 


I will also get on the treadmill in the morning, before we head to Cheltenham for New Years Eve. 


So this is my plan - I hope to stick to it. God - please give me the strength.

The first step is acceptance - but where to start....

Social Eater

What does this term really mean? I've always coined myself as a "social eater" in order to justify my relationship with food. I love it...I'm not going to lie! I've allowed myself to creep up to an unhealthy weight because my metabolism has gone into some kind of a coma. I've spent most of my life eating whatever I wanted as long as I worked out on a regular basis. Well, this has not been true in my mid-30s. It's a scary time! Not only am I fighting the visible signs of aging skin wise, my body is now at war with me!

What does it mean really - to be a social eater? It means that I love to use socializing as an excuse to eat food that is flat out bad for me. I know this - its not some kind of an epiphany I woke up to this morning. But I've justified it for a long time because I've never been a "binge" eater - someone who eats in privacy, usually large amounts. I eat reasonable portions - but unreasonable foods. I wish I liked vegetables more. I wish that I could curb my cravings with fruit, but a cookie or some chips and queso are so much more appealing. I also have a husband who is an enabler. God love him- he wouldn't care if I were 300lbs. But I've hit that point - where I can do one or two things. I'm so utterly miserable with myself and my body that I don't know where to start. I think about friends and coworkers and family members who are all very heavy. They had to be at my weight at some point as well. How did they just keep going? Probably on the same course I am on. So I can roll over and just - let myself go. Or, I can choose to fight. Choose to have my old life back where I enjoyed going shopping and trying on new clothes and getting sexy new pumps.  

Speaking of pumps...my feet hurt - its pretty common sense that your body starts stuggling when you add extra weight. I can feel it! I'm slower, I get out of breath easily and wearing stiletto heels is not an option. They were not meant for bigger girls!  I've been in denial for a long time that I'm a "bigger girl." This can't be. The only time I feel sexy is when I drink a bottle of wine. I feel like Kate Moss after the right amount. Very sad isn't it? I want to get rid of the Spanx and shop again at Victoria's Secret. I haven't been there since 40 pounds ago! :)

Where do I start? How can I achieve this? How do I avoid the temptations that are all around me every day?  How do I go on a weekend trip to Paris or Prague and not look forward to food?  Crash diet? Exercise like a nut? I'm not morbidly obese, or a candidate for weight loss surgery - I'm in that middle group - overweight and frumpy. 

A friend of mine recently sent me some photos from my trip back home last summer. I was literally shocked when I looked at them. If I covered my face, I literally would not have recognized my own body. It was a sobering moment looking at them. I even took a photo of myself this summer in a bathing suit as motivation to be my before photo.